Visiting a New Baby

Since I'm in my third trimester, the subject of this post obviously stems from a close-to-home place.  I can remember we had nearly 60 people come by our house to meet our daughter in the first month of her life.  SIXTY.  So, I learned a thing or two about what makes a "good visitor" and what makes a...well, a happy farewell.


My hope is that by sharing it this far out from my due date, no one will think me too rude at the major hint dropping.  I figured it's better than posting it afterward, when it would seem like scolding. So, read on for a few must-dos and must-don'ts to keep in mind as you go meet that precious new addition.  Most of these are very conservative and strict suggestions, but it's always best to ere on the careful side when dealing with newborns (and new momma's hormones.)  If they really want something different, they'll let you know.


1.  Give them space.  I personally do not care for many visitors in the hospital.  Other people are fine with it.  Ask ahead of time or wait for them to get home and settled for a couple of days before calling to schedule a visit.


2.  Give them notice and let them pick the time.  Again, this varies from person to person.  Some folks are fine with a "Hey!  I'm in the neighborhood, can I come by?" phone call work.  I am not one of them.  I prefer at least a day's notice so I can plan accordingly, especially since I have an older child's schedule to take into consideration.  Assume everyone would like that kind of notice and it'll be appreciated.


3.  Don't show up empty handed.  Or, at least, be certain you offer to bring something.  Most visitors stop by with a meal for the family, but not everyone has the time or means to do that.  However, a fast food lunch for the new mom or some breakfast muffins can go a long way.  Or diapers and wipes.  Maybe a coloring book for the older sibling.  A bottle of liquor for those longs nights...something.


4.  Wash your hands right before you hold the baby.  Scrub-in style.  It doesn't matter if you just used antibacterial soap in the car.  Mommas want to see you disinfect.


5.  Don't go if you're remotely ill.  Or if you even think you might be getting sick a week from Tuesday.  And don't blame allergies.  This really should go without saying, but unfortunately some people may put their own selfish desire of meeting the baby above the baby's and family's health.


6.  Be considerate about how long you stay.  If you're dropping off a meal and it's dinner time, try not to stay longer than 15 minutes.  If they could cook the meal themselves in the time you're standing in the kitchen chatting their ears off, it kind of defeats the purpose.  If you're swinging by at another time, 45 minutes to an hour is a good rule of thumb.  Of course this depends on how long you've had to drive to get there and how close you are to the family, but really, leave them wanting more.  Keep in mind that you probably aren't the only one that has been over that day.  One couple that stopped by to meet our firstborn stayed nearly four hours.  Our own parents never stayed that long!  Unbelievably rude.  I had to excuse myself twice to nurse.  If that happens, you have been there waaaaay too long.


7.  Think carefully about bringing small kids with you.  Cousins or close friends of the older sibling(s) are okay, but others should probably stay home.  This especially goes if they're hyper, rough, or, of course, sick.  If you do bring kiddos, be sure they wash their hands and only let them gently touch the baby's feet or head.  Face and hands should be off-limits.  And don't ask if the child can hold the baby.  If the Mom or Dad don't offer, it's a no. 


8.  Keep the unsolicited advice to yourself.  If they want input, they'll ask.  And avoid telling a bunch of stories about what it was like with your newborn and how you did it.  That's usually just poorly disguised advice.  


9.  Pay some attention to the new big brother or sister.  Bringing a gift isn't necessary (unless you bring one for the baby, then a very small something would be nice), but do try to be sensitive to how much their world has just changed.  This new creature is taking up a lot of Mom and Dad's time and attention and most kids struggle with that.  Talk to them awhile first before talking to or holding the baby. Ask him or her to introduce you to their new brother or sister.  Play on the floor with them for a few minutes before you leave.  It'll mean an awful lot to them and their parents.


10.  For that matter, pay some attention to the parents too.  I want you to fawn over my child.  I want you to make a fuss.  Tell him how adorable and intelligent he already seems.  Be awed.  I just wouldn't mind a little eye contact too.  I once saw this hilarious cartoon about that with two sides:  The "Before" had a pregnant mother being catered to by friends and family as she relaxed in a recliner.  The "After" showed dizzy stars around her head as she sat there exhausted in the hospital bed with everyone a few feet away going crazy over the baby in the bassinet.  Okay, maybe it wasn't quite as hilarious as it was true.  Mommies work hard to get those little ones here.  Show some genuine interest and love.


Enjoy those sweet snuggles!