Visiting a New Baby

Since I'm in my third trimester, the subject of this post obviously stems from a close-to-home place.  I can remember we had nearly 60 people come by our house to meet our daughter in the first month of her life.  SIXTY.  So, I learned a thing or two about what makes a "good visitor" and what makes a...well, a happy farewell.


My hope is that by sharing it this far out from my due date, no one will think me too rude at the major hint dropping.  I figured it's better than posting it afterward, when it would seem like scolding. So, read on for a few must-dos and must-don'ts to keep in mind as you go meet that precious new addition.  Most of these are very conservative and strict suggestions, but it's always best to ere on the careful side when dealing with newborns (and new momma's hormones.)  If they really want something different, they'll let you know.


1.  Give them space.  I personally do not care for many visitors in the hospital.  Other people are fine with it.  Ask ahead of time or wait for them to get home and settled for a couple of days before calling to schedule a visit.


2.  Give them notice and let them pick the time.  Again, this varies from person to person.  Some folks are fine with a "Hey!  I'm in the neighborhood, can I come by?" phone call work.  I am not one of them.  I prefer at least a day's notice so I can plan accordingly, especially since I have an older child's schedule to take into consideration.  Assume everyone would like that kind of notice and it'll be appreciated.


3.  Don't show up empty handed.  Or, at least, be certain you offer to bring something.  Most visitors stop by with a meal for the family, but not everyone has the time or means to do that.  However, a fast food lunch for the new mom or some breakfast muffins can go a long way.  Or diapers and wipes.  Maybe a coloring book for the older sibling.  A bottle of liquor for those longs nights...something.


4.  Wash your hands right before you hold the baby.  Scrub-in style.  It doesn't matter if you just used antibacterial soap in the car.  Mommas want to see you disinfect.


5.  Don't go if you're remotely ill.  Or if you even think you might be getting sick a week from Tuesday.  And don't blame allergies.  This really should go without saying, but unfortunately some people may put their own selfish desire of meeting the baby above the baby's and family's health.


6.  Be considerate about how long you stay.  If you're dropping off a meal and it's dinner time, try not to stay longer than 15 minutes.  If they could cook the meal themselves in the time you're standing in the kitchen chatting their ears off, it kind of defeats the purpose.  If you're swinging by at another time, 45 minutes to an hour is a good rule of thumb.  Of course this depends on how long you've had to drive to get there and how close you are to the family, but really, leave them wanting more.  Keep in mind that you probably aren't the only one that has been over that day.  One couple that stopped by to meet our firstborn stayed nearly four hours.  Our own parents never stayed that long!  Unbelievably rude.  I had to excuse myself twice to nurse.  If that happens, you have been there waaaaay too long.


7.  Think carefully about bringing small kids with you.  Cousins or close friends of the older sibling(s) are okay, but others should probably stay home.  This especially goes if they're hyper, rough, or, of course, sick.  If you do bring kiddos, be sure they wash their hands and only let them gently touch the baby's feet or head.  Face and hands should be off-limits.  And don't ask if the child can hold the baby.  If the Mom or Dad don't offer, it's a no. 


8.  Keep the unsolicited advice to yourself.  If they want input, they'll ask.  And avoid telling a bunch of stories about what it was like with your newborn and how you did it.  That's usually just poorly disguised advice.  


9.  Pay some attention to the new big brother or sister.  Bringing a gift isn't necessary (unless you bring one for the baby, then a very small something would be nice), but do try to be sensitive to how much their world has just changed.  This new creature is taking up a lot of Mom and Dad's time and attention and most kids struggle with that.  Talk to them awhile first before talking to or holding the baby. Ask him or her to introduce you to their new brother or sister.  Play on the floor with them for a few minutes before you leave.  It'll mean an awful lot to them and their parents.


10.  For that matter, pay some attention to the parents too.  I want you to fawn over my child.  I want you to make a fuss.  Tell him how adorable and intelligent he already seems.  Be awed.  I just wouldn't mind a little eye contact too.  I once saw this hilarious cartoon about that with two sides:  The "Before" had a pregnant mother being catered to by friends and family as she relaxed in a recliner.  The "After" showed dizzy stars around her head as she sat there exhausted in the hospital bed with everyone a few feet away going crazy over the baby in the bassinet.  Okay, maybe it wasn't quite as hilarious as it was true.  Mommies work hard to get those little ones here.  Show some genuine interest and love.


Enjoy those sweet snuggles!

A Must-Read for Moms

I ran across this blog post link today on Facebook and just had to pass it on.  It's a wonderful read and I couldn't agree more!


http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/

New Year's Resolutions

Note:  This post was originally published last January, but I felt it was worth reiterating.  I know I needed a refresher course!

I'm curious to know how many of you have made resolutions?  What were they about?  Perhaps more interesting to know would be how many have already broken theirs.  I'm sure there are a few, but take heart!  I'm going to share with you what I've found to be a better solution and may just be the motivation you need to try again. 

Let me clarify that I'm not totally against resolutions.  I love a fresh start as much as the next person and I'm big on goal-setting.  However, I think that making big sweeping statements like, "I'm going to lose weight/be a better wife/read the Bible more" just set us up for failure.  We're human.  Life happens.  Willpower wains.  We get sick, busy, and tired.  We quit.  Take this blog for example. :)

So this year, why not try doing something different?  Though we're already a few days in, it's not too late!

Here are three easy steps to better ensure your success:

1.  Set aside ten to fifteen minutes of time each Saturday or Sunday to think of 1-5 (no more) areas you'd like to improve in your life, then prioritize the list.  If weekly is too frequent, try monthly instead.  Here is an example:

1. Spend more time with kids
2. Improve marriage
3. Lose weight
4. Get organized
5. Save more money

Now that's a pretty daunting list, isn't it?  I'm overwhelmed just looking at it.  Hang with me, though, because the next step is the most important.
2.  For each area, write 1-2 (no more) specific things you can do that would help move you closer to attaining those goals.  For instance,

1. Spend more time with kids:  Eat dinner together on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday.  Have a game night on Thursday.
2. Improve marriage:  Leave a short love note for him on Monday.  Schedule a date for Saturday.
3. Lose weight:  Exercise on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.  Throw out Christmas candy.
4. Get organized:  Clean out coat closet on Wednesday night.
5. Save more money: Call the insurance company on Monday about raising deductible.

Now, isn't that better?  That to-do list looks a bit more manageable, doesn't it?  Of course, there are still a lot of items on it, but I wanted to give you some solid examples of several common resolutions and how to break them down into more bite-size pieces.  

This simple method won't guarantee you'll keep those resolutions until 2013, but I can say with pretty good certainty that you're more likely to get farther this way.  And remember...

3.  Celebrate a good week, but move on quickly from a set-back.  Some weeks and months are going to go better than others, but don't quit!  Just hang on to the same list of to-dos for the next week and try again. 

If do you succeed in checking it all off, revel in that for half a second and take the family bowling one night.  It'll help with example goals 1, 2, and 3!  Just be sure to clip a coupon and hang your coats up neatly when you get home.

New Beginnings

Lawd, where do I start?  With an apology?  I'll save it.  You heard it the last time I dropped off the Earth.  Excuses?  Nah, you've heard them too.  How about the truth:  Life gets busy, and we make time for what we prioritize as important.  Good or bad, this blog hasn't made my list the last few months.  And man, did I miss it.  It's such a great creative outlet for me.  It's one of the few things I enjoying doing for me, even if most of my blabberings are about kids and home life.  


"So how is this time going to be any different?", you ask.  "Why should I trust you won't leave me hanging again?"


Well, that's what I'm super excited about.  I knew that two months before having a second child (yeah, a LOT has happened since April!) was not the best time to pick it back up, so I told myself the only way I'd start it again is if I could write and prepare at least one post for every two weeks until the beginning of May.  I am pleased to say I accomplished that goal as well as writing eight more for later in the year!  


So, join me every other Tuesday for new recipes, party and organization ideas, and a lot about kiddos.  Every once in a while, you may see a familiar post from this site or my personal blog, but I promise the material will still be pertinent and entertaining.  Or at least I hope it will.  Hey, it's free to read, so keep those expectations low.  And please send me ideas of what you want to see more of in the coming year!


Happy New Year!  May God bless you and yours and may 2012 be your best year yet!

Happy Birthday, Blog!

Imperfect Perfectionist is one year old today! 365 days, 42 posts (#1 topic being kids, #2 being organization), and lots of fun tips and ideas.  As with my personal blog, which is celebrating it's second year today, I wish I could write more often than I do.  But you gotta have a goal, right?!


Thanks for reading, commenting, and supporting this site.  I hope you'll stick around and join me for another great year as we learn from each other.

Tips for Handling the Terrible Twos

Our Little One is not quite Two yet, but that hasn't stopped her from showing off her mad tantrum skills. I know we have many more months (years?!) of this ahead of us, but here are a few ideas I've read about/learned from friends that I'm implementing that have really worked well so far:

• Avoid the triggers.  Think about how you feel when you're tired, bored, or hungry and multiply that times ten because you can't express it and have no control over fixing it.  Now you understand how a toddler feels!  To help combat most tantrums, keep your child on a regular meal and nap schedule as often as possible and plan your other activities and outings around it.  If an interruption can't be avoided, just don't expect too much from them and try to show extra patience and grace.  

• Plan ahead.  Bring several books or toys to restaurants and other places to keep them busy while you wait.  Make a shopping list and gather coupons beforehand to save time in the store.  Bring some extra books or children's CDs in the car if there is a chance you may run into bad traffic.  If you're potty training, think through where and when you're going to offer breaks and be sure to pack a change of clothes just in case.  I call this pessimistic planning/optimistic thinking: thinking about the worst case scenario just long enough to make a plan for it, then praying for the best possible outcome!    

• Listen.  It seems like most of the time, the whining and frustration is stemming from communication difficulties.  Either she can't express herself or I'm not getting it or both.  So, if I can, I stop what I'm doing, get down on her level, make eye contact and ask her to tell me in her big girl voice.  

          This also works wonders if she's being disobedient.  I call it the "Michelle Duggar  
          Approach".  I get down beside her, touch her arm gently, ask her to look at me, and  
          repeat my request firmly.  99% of the time it gets the job done.  

• Let them decide.  How would you like it if you were told what to do, where to go, what to say, what's off limits, etc. all day every day?  Yeah, me neither.  Sure, I'm the Mom and I get the final say, but it helps to teach independence and decision making skills if you offer your toddler a few choices when you can.  Just keep them minor, avoid open-ended questions, and limit it to two or three options.  Banana or strawberries for snack?  Yellow or green shirt today?  Pink or purple cup for drink?  Swing or slide first at park? etc.  Sometimes all they need is a say in the matter to ward off the tantrums.

•  Warn them before activity changes.  I read about this somewhere and I think it has made a huge difference for us.  Let's say you're doing your favorite activity...and for example's sake, we'll pretend it's swinging.  You're flying through the air, almost touching the clouds with your feet, wind blowing through your hair.  You're having the time of your life.  Then your Dad snatches you up and hauls you back in the car to strap you in the car seat and drag you home for a stupid nap.  Yeah, I'd be sad and angry too.  But maybe if you'd had a little warning, it would help you adjust.  So, as often as we can, we say "Just a few more minutes of swinging/playing/bath time and then we have to go/clean up/get out."  Sometimes we do a five minute and then a one minute warning or an "only one more time" warning.  And we stick with it so she begins to understand the concept of those times. 

• Pour on the praise.  This seems like a no-brainer, but if you make a big deal out of good behavior, it reinforces it.  Set a goal to praise ten times more than you admonish.  That's difficult when you feel like you're saying "no-no" all day long, but it's a good number to strive for.  

• Reward the good.  This goes hand-in-hand with praising them.  Think of easy, free ways to occasionally reward your child's good behavior.  When we go to the grocery store, for instance, I tell my daughter on the way in that if she's good and doesn't whine or cry, we'll stop by and smell the flowers on the way out.  At WalMart, we go check out the fish.  I have to gently remind her once or twice, but it usually does the trick.  It's easy, free, it's immediate reinforcement, and she absolutely loves it.  Remember, you don't have to think the rewards are cool...they do!  Also, be very careful setting precedent.  We don't buy toys or candy for good behavior in the store because I don't want her to develop that expectation.  We also don't reward her with something every single time she behaves.  She has to learn to do so because it's what we expect, not because she'll get something out of it.

• Try to say "no" less often.  I know, I know.  Quit laughing.  This seems like an impossible one, right?  But truthfully, if everything is a "no" and off limits, "no" loses it's power very quickly.  Do I want my Little One to drag out every piece of Tupperware I own and be underfoot while I'm trying to get dinner on the table?  Not really.  But she's keeping herself busy and she's not hurting anything or anyone.  Do I want to play Little People house for the one millionth time today?  Nope.  But she does and I can take ten minutes to join her in between my to-do list tasks.  That way, when I do tell her no, she knows I mean it and is more likely to comply.  Also, if I do have to put my foot down about something she wants to do, I try to use my Dad's philosophy and help find a decent alternative.  ("No, we don't throw toy cars.  But we can throw your ball.  Let's go find it." or "No, we can't play outside because it's raining, but we can go blow bubbles in the garage.") 

• Work Together.  Instead of towering over your child like a dictator and demanding that he clean up his toys in a stern voice, jump in and work as a team.  Tell him you'll get the books while he gets the cars, etc.  Make it a race to see who can finish first and then give lots of praise and hugs when the task is complete.   

Of course, sometimes there is nothing that can be done and no logic that can be offered (at least none that they can comprehend.)  Sometimes they are just determined to throw a good old fashioned hissy fit.  I can certainly relate to wanting to do that occasionally, can't you?  So let 'em.  Just try to avoid it happening in public and subjecting everyone else to it.  Take them to the car until they cool down.  Sure, it's inconvenient, but so much of good parenting is.  

If you're at home and you've offered every possible answer and option, go about your business until they stop which usually happens very quickly once they see you're not going to be swayed.  Above all, keep your cool and remember that it's only a stage.  It'll pass.  Then you'll have a good few years before the preteen attitude kicks in.  

I'm always looking for new and creative parenting ideas, so feel free to share what's working for you!

How to Have a Successful Yard Sale

As Spring blooms and the temperatures slowly start to warm, poster board signs are making their appearance on suburban corners everywhere.  It's that time.  Time to work like a dog, organize and price until your fingers bleed, and bargain with strangers and neighbors alike over your junk treasures.  It's time to have a yard sale.


If you're considering such an act of masochism this Spring, at least make sure you go about it the best way.   Below are a few FAQ's and tips to consider before you give up the better part of your weekend and stress out your entire family.


Should I even have a yard sale?


The obvious first step is to make sure you have enough stuff to sell to warrant the trouble.  Gather all of the items you're willing to part with and put them in one area.  Remember to check everywhere - the attic, basement, and under the beds.  You may consider asking friends, family, or neighbors if they want to donate or contribute items.  Once you get it gathered, do a quick, realistic inventory to estimate how much you could make.  And by realistic, I mean if it were priced 70%-85% off retail and then if only 75% of everything actually sold.  


When you've come up with a number, think about the work that it will take to price, organize, sell, and then donate leftovers.  I would say it's a minimum of 12 hours total for most people.  Maybe any amount of money is worth it to you, but I would say if you can't pocket at least $150-$200, it might be better to donate it and take the tax deduction.


Another important thing to consider is whether you have the space for the sale and 3-4 cars to park without blocking traffic.  If not, ask a friend or family member if they'd let you have it at their place.  You might have to pay them with dinner out or a small share of the profits, but it'll be worth it if it's a better venue.  


Okay, I'm in.  How do I price items?


Let me start by breaking your heart a little:  Books, clothes, and media don't usually sell well.  And, unfortunately, that's what most of us want to sell!  Consider saving yourself the time and effort by pricing them in bulk (i.e. $2 per piece of adult clothing, $1 per book, .50 per CD, etc.)  I'm not saying they don't sell, but I have found them harder to get rid of and they are generally what we're hauling to Goodwill afterward.  Stuff that generally does sell well: furniture, home decor, toys, baby equipment, tools, and kitchenware.  


Most items should be priced 70%-85% off of retail with condition taken into consideration.  (Notice that I did not write "personal attachment" or "sentimental value" taken into consideration.)  If  something is new, start with 40%-50% off retail.  Try to be objective and keep your emotions out of it.  Ask a friend to help or weigh in if you need to.  


If you don't have a clue, check out Craigslist or Ebay for a starting point.  Unless you're willing to hold on to stuff and sell it through those sites later, though, you'll have to go lower for a yard sale.  


Remember that almost everyone will try to negotiate for a lower price.  (Oh my WORD, will they ever!)  It took me several sales to learn this and adjust accordingly.  I know now to mark everything slightly higher so that when they haggle with me, I'm still getting what I wanted in the first place.  For example, if I want $1 for something, I might price it at $1.25 or even $1.50.  Don't go so high that it prevents them from even making an offer, but just be aware that most people will attempt to talk you down.


Whatever price you decide, price everything, mark it clearly, and don't use colored stickers to denote certain prices (too easy to switch.)  Take a minute to make big, print-out signs for furniture and larger items. 


Don't leave anything out just because you fear it won't sell.  Give it a shot!  In every sale I've done, I have been pleasantly surprised by what people are willing to pay for.  The adage is true: "One man's trash is another man's treasure."


How should I negotiate?


Well, as I said, I'd start by pricing your items slightly higher.  The next important thing to do is have a bottom line in mind, at least for the big stuff.  Some people would rather have $0.25 in their hand at the end of the day than nothing, but others might rather take the tax deduction at some price point.  


Also, you should always counter-offer.  For instance, if an item is marked $3 and they offer you $1.50, come back and say $2.  Most of the time, they'll take it.  If they don't, it's up to you to decide whether it's a fair deal.


The other thing to consider is what time it is and how much sale you have left.  If your sale is going to be two days long, you can be a lot less flexible the first day than the second.  By the last hour of the second day, however, you should be willing to budge a lot if you really want to get rid of it.  In fact, the last hour of our most recent sale, we offered 50% off the price on most stuff.  


One last thing to keep in mind regarding negotiation is how big of a market there is for a particular item.  For instance, if a pregnant lady comes on day one and is willing to buy up several of your big baby equipment items but wants 20% off, consider the likelihood that you'll get another motivated buyer like her before you turn her down.  Or, you could get her name and number and call her the next day if no one else makes an offer.


What is the best way to organize and display everything?


Categorize and divide it as best you can:  Kitchenware on one table, toys together and low enough for kids to sort through, home decor together and high enough for kids not to sort through, clothes hung up with shoes and accessories nearby, etc.  It doesn't have to be storefront ready, but it should look semi-neat.  Rearrange and fill in the empty spaces as the yard sale progresses.  It'll sell much better that way.


Try to have as much table space as possible.  I can't stand feeling like I'm going to break someone's stuff by routing through it.  I also don't like digging through boxes or bags.  I once went to a sale where the guy just "decided" to have a sale that morning in his basement and nothing was out or priced.  He expected me to open boxes and make offers on everything.  I politely looked around for 2-3 minutes and then left.  Put it where I can see it, price it clearly, or I'm not going to bother.


Take a moment and wipe dirty things off.  Run it through the dishwasher or spot clean it if necessary.  Don't take it to the dry cleaners and spend $5 getting it cleaned if you're only asking $5 for it in the first place, but taking time to shake off the dust bunnies will definitely help it sell better.  


Consider placing a few nice items (that are too big to steal) at the front of the driveway to draw in passers-by.  


When should I have it?


First, pick a date that your area typically has warm weather.  As far as time, our most recent one was 9am - 12pm on Friday and 8am - 1pm on Saturday.  This worked perfectly for us...and I was surprised how busy Friday was!  Avoid holidays or school breaks when many people may be traveling.  


We also chose a rain weekend back-up and ended up going with it.  We would've had to have it the second weekend rain or shine, but thankfully it dried up and was gorgeous by then.  


How do I get the word out?


Make simple, large signs with simple, large letters and simple, large arrows. (Are you picking up the "simple & large" theme here?)  My most recent ones looked like this:


Yard Sale
Friday 9am -Noon
Saturday 8am - 1pm
----------------------->


Make them with sturdy poster board (two-sided if applicable) in easy-to-read colors (black on white or black on neon.  NOT neon on neon!) Staple them to stakes and hammer them in the ground.  Do not put them telephone poles or traffic signs, which is illegal and unsafe.  


As far as how many, I would say to cover all major intersections within a 1-2 mile radius, plus the streets to your neighborhood, entrances to your neighborhood, and the streets leading to your house.  Do a drive by after posting to make sure you've covered every turn and the signs are visible.


Extra Tip:  If you don't want early birds showing up, don't post the ones in your neighborhood until right before the sale begins.


You may also consider posting an ad on Craigslist and your local newspaper's website.  I did this (for free) for our most recent sale and I think it helped a lot.  Just be sure you'll have another adult with you for safety reasons and also remember to delete the posts after the sale.  


What else can I do to prepare?


 - If you're selling items on behalf of friends or family, write or type up an inventory and put a certain colored sticker on their items so you know what of theirs sells.  As you ring up customers, be sure to note what price their items sell at so you give them the appropriate amount.


 - Get change.  I recommend five $10s, five $5s, twenty-five $1s, and a roll each of quarters, dimes, and nickels.  


 - Watch your money carefully!  I kept our money box in the house and only carried around a few small bills and some quarters in my pockets.  


 - Have a calculator on hand and USE it.  Even if some customers are "nice enough" to total things for you, double-check them and yourself to make sure no one is getting cheated.


 - Save some grocery bags to offer people who purchase a lot.  


 - Plan for the kids to get bored.  Send them to Grandma's or a friend's if you can or keep activities and DVDs on hand.  If you have to get a sitter, be sure to factor this into the cost and decide whether it's worth it.  If you have to pay $50 for a sitter for a sale where you might only make $100, should you have one?


 - Keep something nearby for you to work on or read during the slumps, too.  


 - Consider putting a radio outside so it's not awkwardly quiet while people are looking around.  


 - Have an outlet available for people to test electronic stuff.  


 - Be ready for early birds!  Remember, to help with this problem, don't put up the signs in your neighborhood until the last minute.


 - Keep pets away.  I know it's hard to believe, but not everyone loves Fido as much as you do.


 - Rope off, move, or label nearby items that are not for sale.  Unless you want to answer "Is this for sale?" a million times.


 - Be friendly, greet people, let them know to come to you with any questions, and then leave them alone.  If they want to chat, they'll let you know.


 - Consider making a "Cash Only.  All Sales Final." sign for your payment table.  Then it's out there and you've covered your bases without having to open your mouth.


I'm rich, now what?


 - Take your signs down.  


 - Clean up the space and donate the leftovers within a day or two of your sale ending or you risk never dealing with them.


 - Send a check or drop off payment to any friends or family who included items in the sale.  


Now, you're exhausted, aren't you?  Pat yourself on the back and go to bed early.  The next morning, treat yourself to a fancy coffee on the way to deposit the money in your savings account. That's right...savings!  Think twice about spending that hard earned cash and don't be too quick to buy more junk that'll just end up in another sale in 5-10 years!


Good luck & happy selling!